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We have been in Georgia for three weeks now. I feel more at home in our home here than I ever felt in our home in SLC. I am not sure why this is. Maybe it's because our home here is so much nicer. Maybe it is because I can count on one hand how many times I have left this home since we arrived. Maybe it is because we actually have our own washer and dryer here. Probably it is because we are beginning this home as a family. Our home really does feel like a sanctuary. It is peaceful and serene here. It has been a great place to meditate and to cultivate a loving relationship with Edison. We have been so blessed, and that feeling radiates in our home.
I know we live in Georgia, and that thought doesn't even surprise me. I am and will be very happy here. The only thing that makes me sad is thinking of all the people that love our lil' Eddie. I am sad that they are missing out on his life. I am sad that he won't ever know them in the way I wish he would. I am scared that their immense love for him will wane with distance and time. I am fearful that they won't know what their love for our son has meant (and will forever mean) to us. I pray for opportunities to show them.
I also get sad when I see school-related things. I am surprised at how much I miss teaching school. I only had the opportunity to do it for two years. But I miss sharpening all those pencils twice a day. I miss the butterflies I felt while I was walking to meet my students at the start of each day. I miss getting to know two whole new groups of kids-their strengths and weaknesses, their humor and sorrows, and especially their love, as well as my love for them. I wouldn't trade being with Eddie for anything in the world, though. As I think that many parents leave newborns his age or younger in the care of others while they work, I get sad because I know I couldn't bear to leave him. I am very honored to have the ability to always be with him. Just this week I can tell that he feels very safe when he is with me. Seeing me automatically comforts him. Feeling safe allows him to begin to explore the world around him. I can't put to words how it feels to be this person for him. I really am honored.