Preparing for Peter

I have been busy trying to prepare for Peter's arrival. He will be here in two months or less! I cannot tell you how happy I am every time I think about him. Admittedly, until recently I have been nothing but scared about having our new baby. Sure, I have been happy to know I am having another child, but I haven't felt excited. I have been somewhat envious of my sister-in-law's and niece's excitement (they are both having their first babies within days of ours). I guess I have an accurate idea of how hard the first year is.

On top of past experience, I am busy insomuch that I can't focus as much on Peter as I would like. The day we learned we were pregnant was the same day we were in a serious head-on collision. Between the surgery and all the doctor appointments and taking care of Ben while he was on bedrest, I hardly remembered I was pregnant. I am always mentally and emotionally caught up with Edison, too.

I have been scared that I won't be able to be the kind of mom I have been to Edison to my new baby. I gave Eddie all my time and energy. All my love and worry. I want Peter to have all of me, too. And I don't want Edison to lose any of me. These concerns have occupied much of my mental capacity over the last several months.

I have come to some recent conclusions and understandings. I won't be too specific here. Basically, I have faith. I have prayer. I have hope. I have love. I have Heavenly Father. There is no need to fear. I will be made equal to the task. Eddie will adjust and be better off because he is/will be a big brother. Peter will benefit from having Eddie, too. I truly believe that a new baby will bring a greater capacity to love and a greater amount of happiness to our family. I have let all the worries go, and I have been filled with such happiness and excitement, just like I felt before I had Edison.

I didn't mean to get so serious here. On a lighter note, the picture shows some items I have purchased to physically prepare for Peter, some things I never had with Eddie and wanted for Peter.

1. a boppy-I didn't understand the point before I had Eddie. I ended up borrowing one, though, and it made all those nights of holding Eddie while sitting up in bed bearable. I already love it! I used it every night as a table when I write in my journal before bed. Eddie loves it, too!

2. a hotsling-I wish someone had told me before I had Eddie that no newborn is content when not being held. Also, those baby backpacks don't work for all babies. Eddie didn't like his til he was five months old. And those baby backpacks just aren't comfortable to wear. Hotslings have good reviews, and I have friends who swear by them. I plan to carry Peter in this Hotsling all day and all night.
3. pacifiers and one of those things to attach the pacifiers to his clothes!!-I am happy to announce that Peter will be a pacifier baby! I was so against them when Eddie was born. I was upset every time someone in the hospital would put a pacifier in Eddie's mouth. Crying is a baby's only way to communicate. While a pacifier might soothe a baby, the baby may have been asking for something else entirely. I still plan to listen to Peter and meet his needs, but I am going to take all the help I can get. When Eddie was two or three months old, I began trying to teach him to use a pacifier. He never got it down. I wished that he could have one to help him fall asleep. When he was six months old, he began using his nipple shield (he always used one to breast feed) as a pacifier. That was (and is) a lifesaver. I don't know why I never got one of those things to attach them to his clothes. I still have to go into his room so many times each night to help him find his "nip". I want to save myself all the stress and frantic searching in the middle of the night!
4. baby book-I got Peter the cutest baby book! I love it! I am so tempted to start using it already, but I need to finish Eddie's first (I am not far from done).
5. johnny jumper-I always wanted one for Eddie. I actually want one of those nicer ones (the ones that look like a cross between an excersaucer and a jumper), but the doorframe ones are much cheaper!
6. car mirrors-I am hoping to help curb some of my anxiety and avoid some of Peter's anxiety by having us both have mirrors in order to see each other in the car. I rode in the backseat with Eddie every time Ben was with us (which was usually) until Eddie was six and a half months old. I don't know if I will fit back there with two carseats. Plus, Eddie had such a hard time riding in the car starting around three-ish months because he couldn't see me. Maybe the mirror thing will help! Here is to hoping!
7. diapers-I felt nervous not having newborn and size one diapers in the house. I know it is silly because we are a ways off, but it would be terrible to bring a newborn to a house without diapers that fit!

I also got some good news this week. My parents are going to come out for a week when we have Peter. This was not the plan previously. My dad took some convincing. He is extremely helpful and would go to any end to do something for his children (for instance, he would be here in an instant if we were moving), but he doesn't recognize having a new baby as something one might need help with (or at least he doesn't know how he personally could help). Thankfully, he has agreed to come. I am so happy and relieved and excited! I didn't think I would see my parents this whole year, so I am excited just to see them (and have them see Eddie and have them see Peter!).